


Most Important

by McRaider



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Bobby Nash is a Good Dad, Bobby Nash is trying his hardest, Bobby Nash loves Buck, Buck and Bobby talk, Buck needs a hug, Buck still has nightmares, Evan "Buck" Buckley feels, F/M, Gen, Post Lawsuit, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-25
Updated: 2019-12-25
Packaged: 2021-02-26 22:28:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,111
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21946462
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/McRaider/pseuds/McRaider
Summary: When Buck let it slip how important Bobby was to him, it left the older firefighter thinking, really thinking. And the longer Bobby thought about it, the more worried he became.
Relationships: Athena Grant/Bobby Nash
Comments: 22
Kudos: 426
Collections: 9-1-1 Tales





	Most Important

**Author's Note:**

> My first one shot in the 9-1-1 fandom, there will be more stories, but I need to finish my Prodigal Son piece first. Enjoy and Happy Holidays!!

The words rang in his head like an unrelenting siren on full blast, “I know I do dumb things sometimes and generally drive you crazy. But you’re an important person in my life, one of the most important and I don’t know what I’d do if anything were to happen to you.” Over and over again as he sat in his office desperately trying to finish some paperwork.

Buck had told him that earlier today, after a rant about Bobby having radiation poisoning. He knew the kid was scared, and he knew he was important to the boy, but when Buck flat out admitted it, it left a deep hollow feeling inside Bobby. Surely this kid had someone more important in his life than a previous drug addict and alcoholic who’d spent the better part of three months scorning the boy?

But the longer Bobby thought about it, the more he realized that thought was so very wrong. Bobby had Athena, the kids and Michael to talk to. Eddie had Christopher, and his family, Hen had Karen and Denny. Even Chim had Maddie, surely Buck had Maddie, but then again if Chim had been upset with Buck’s lawsuit, then it was likely the Buck had been avoiding Chimney thus avoiding his sister.

His stomach churned, what had they done? The kid had been crushed by a firetruck, thrown three blood clots, and been through a tsunami which he’d spent the better part of worrying about everyone else instead of himself. Then in desperation to get the only job he ever loved back, he’d sued them.

More of Buck’s words entered Bobby’s memory, “I feel like I’m nothing without the uniform.” Bobby had, of course, corrected Buck at the time but now as he thought of those words he realized Buck was completely and utterly alone. He’d been alone through so much of this process, at one point Eddie had even told him ‘just suck it up and deal with it, we all have our own problems’.

Bobby wanted to hurl, this kid, who Bobby was desperate to have care about his life, had been told in all but words that no one else cared, so why should he. Standing swiftly from his desk he took a few long strides out of his office and listened for Buck. That’s when he realized he didn’t hear the kid. And it hit him how little he HAD heard Buck over the last several months. Taking the stairs up to the second floor two at a time, Bobby spotted Buck lying across the couch asleep. Eyes closed, breathing seemed even. No one else was in sight, likely all in their bunks getting some much-needed rest before their shift ended in an hour, it left Bobby wondering why the man was out here and not in the bunk room.

Deciding whatever he had to say could wait till morning, Bobby turned to make his way downstairs, until he heard a whimper. Turning he looked over to see Buck was now moaning and twisting on the couch, his face pinched as if he were in pain or fear. Bobby’s heart ached, he was out here to spare anyone else being disturbed.

Moving across the room back to the couch, he sat down on the coffee table, his hand paused at waking the boy. How much damage had been done to a boy that already had barely any self-esteem? Buck could talk a big game, and act macho, but Bobby knew the kid felt things deeply and that he didn’t see any value in himself without the uniform.

“No, Chris…Bobby,” Buck moaned, his head tossing back and forth.

Doing what he’d wanted from the very beginning, Bobby leaned over the boy, capturing one of the man’s hands, and let his other hand rest on Buck’s short hair, gently rubbing his fingers over the scalp. Blue eyes fluttered open after a couple minutes. He saw confusion in the beautiful orbs, followed by what Bobby could only classify as shame. Buck sat up, “Sorry, didn’t mean to bother you,” he offered as he put some distance between himself and Bobby.

“You didn’t bother me, Buck. Though some other things are starting to bother me, can we talk?” 

Bobby didn’t miss the flicker of fear across the younger man’s features, as if he was afraid this would be a career-ending conversation. “Did…did I do something wrong, Cap?”

Bobby felt the sick feeling return, a lump forming in his throat, “No, Buck,” he managed, “Come on, let me make you some hot cocoa,” he encouraged as he stood and made his way over to the kitchen, putting some milk on the stove to get the coco started.

Buck took a cautious seat across the island from Bobby and allowed the Captain to work silently for a few minutes. While he did, Bobby took a few moments to study his youngest recruit. They’d had Buck for over two years now, the kid was a damn good firefighter and an even better man, something which until recently Bobby hadn’t been hesitant in telling the kid. But now as he stood there looking between the milk and the recruit he realized he’d failed as a Captain. This kid genuinely had no one else but his fire family here and they’d let him spend the better part of the past year thinking he wasn’t worth their love and affection.

The past year had clearly taken a toll on the kid, he’d easily lost weight, his face more gaunt than it had been, dark smudges under his eyes were rather telling of just how tired the boy was. But more than the physical was the boy’s emotional and mental state. He didn’t laugh as much as he once had, didn’t smile as much, he watched the others nervously as if trying to gauge what he could or couldn’t say. He wasn’t cocky or confident anymore, but withdrawn and clearly uncomfortable and it was Bobby’s fault. Because no matter how much the others had been involved, they were choosing to follow Bobby’s lead.

Taking a slow breath he poured the milk into two mugs, before adding some marshmallows for the kid and putting it down in front of him. “I owe you an apology, probably several,” Bobby whispered the second part.

“Bobby—“

The Captain held his hand up, “Please let me finish. Buck, I haven’t been entirely honest with you, since you came back here and part of that is being angry and stubborn, the other part is being a guy who’s afraid to talk about his feelings.”

“Oh…I can…I can leave if you’re still upset,” Buck whispered, detached acceptance dripping from his voice like ink from a fountain pen.

Bobby reached out, and grabbed the younger man’s wrist, “I’m not upset, well…I mean I am but not about the lawsuit. Buck, it dawned on me after you said it, that…we’re all you have, and when you told me how important I was to you it made me realize that my reluctance to tell you how I feel is doing more harm than good…” Bobby closed his eyes, his eyes burning with unshed tears.

“Evan, I had a daughter and a son, I know what it feels like to have that relationship ripped from your clutches way before it’s meant to. My decision to hold you back after your injuries and in turn the anger I felt when you filed your lawsuit didn’t come from a place of hatred, anger or frustration. It came from a place of love.”

Buck scoffed slightly, “You don’t have to lie, Cap.”

Bobby was now starting to understand just how much damage his poor attitude had done. Moving around the island he took up a stool next to Buck. He turned the kid so their knees were between one another. “Evan, I’ve only ever loved two other people the way I love you, and they were my children. I can tell you, with absolute certainty, that the fear you have over the thought of losing me,” he paused, letting the tears start to fall as he looked down at his hands for a minute, “They’re the same fears I had when I saw you under that truck.” Bobby took a shaky breath before he continued, “Kid I love you so much. And I let you down, bad. I don’t think I can ever apologize enough for that.”

Buck was silent for a few minutes his own eyes filled with unshed tears as he glanced from Bobby’s face to the mug in his hands. A single tear slid down his cheek, dropping onto his red shirt, darkening it. “I…I didn’t have anyone.”

Bobby swallowed, “I know and I see that now. I…Buck, no matter how much I view you as a son, you’re still a grown man and even if you were my child biologically, you being an adult means you are old enough to make your own decisions now. I’m sorry, I should’ve trusted you and I didn’t. But more than that, I’m sorry that someone made you ever think you’re nothing without this uniform and that I then perpetuated that belief. Evan, you are a wonderful man who has a beautiful heart, a gentle soul and is one of the strongest men, both physically and emotionally that I’ve ever known. I am so proud of you and all the work you did to get back here and that’s something I should’ve said early on.”

Bobby was surprised when he heard a soft sob from the kid who was still staring down at his lap. Reaching out, he removed Buck’s mug from his hands and put it on the countertop, before he pulled the kid into his arms. He felt the man hug him close, sobbing into his neck and shoulder. Bobby wrapped his arms around his kid in return, “I’ll do better,” he whispered. “I promise, son.”

He was a bit shocked by how hard the man was crying in his arms now, surprised at how upset the kid clearly was, as he clung to his surrogate father. Bobby said nothing, he just held on tight, whispering over and over again how sorry he was. Bobby closed his eyes against the visual memories of Buck under the firetruck, coughing up blood, and then finding him after the tsunami.

“Why don’t you come stay with Athena and me for a while, it looks like you haven’t been eating or sleeping enough.”

Buck shook his head as he finally pulled away, his eyes, face and cheeks puffy now, “I don’t wanna ‘mpose.” He sniffled as he wiped at his now stuffy nose.

“Buck, son, you won’t be. I promise, please. Let me do what I should’ve done from day one. Let me take care of you.”

Buck bit his lip and nodded, closing his eyes again to allow more tears to slide down his cheeks. “Are you hungry?”

Buck shook his head, “No, think I’ll show shower.”

“Okay, I’ll meet you in my car.”  


As promised Bobby led Buck into the house he shared with Athena, directing him to the guest room. They talked to Michael for a few minutes, who was apparently having an odd night himself. “Is Buck okay?” Athena asked once Michael had left.

“No, I screwed up, royally.”

Athena snorted, “I could’ve told you that.”

“We’re all he has, ‘Thena,” Bobby whispered. “We’re all he has and I just abandoned him.”

She nodded, “You did, but you’re going to make it better now.” She promised before she hugged her husband once more and turned to move into the guest room. She knocked lightly and then pushed the door open, smiling at the sight of her ‘eldest’ sprawled out on the bed already fast asleep.

With a fond smile, she moved into the room and slid off his shoes, gently pulling one of the blankets over his form. “Sleep well Buckaroo, we’ll be here when you wake,” she murmured before leaning down and pressing a kiss to his soft hair.

When she turned, she was surprised to see a teary-eyed Bobby in the doorway, “Thank you,” he whispered, his voice cracking.

She moved over to him and wrapped her arms around Bobby’s waist, “Honey, all you ever needed to do was ask. I love him too. Now come on, let’s cook him some food to fatten him up while he sleeps.”

Bobby chuckled as he wrapped an arm around her shoulders and they closed the door to the room behind them. Their “son” fast asleep for the first time in weeks.   
  
End  



End file.
